I got so frustrated thinking about forgiveness. I don’t think the forgiving part is hard for me. It’s what comes next that I don’t quite understand. I can forgive all day, but in some situations, I know that I’m going to continue to be hurt. I will forgive you forever but what am I supposed to do with that? I pray for it to stop. I ask the Father, “why does this keep happening to me? make it stop, please! Take away the pain.” Or I take matters into my own hands and blow up in anger at the person before I forgive them or before they forgive me. I try to handle things on my own by ignoring them for a few days and hope that the pain will just go away and I’ll never have to face it again…until I do.
Then the sweet sweet Father led me here…
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-9
I was given a thorn in my flesh… God, why would you even give me a thorn in my flesh? Why would you ever want to torment me? I’ve asked you over and over to take it away from me.
….I never thought to change the question I was asking Him.. I know that my God, my Protector, My Healer, My FATHER, would never want to torment me. But instead of asking him to take it away, I’ll come to Him and say “Papa, I need you. I need you to show up because I am weak and you are strong. Holy Spirit, come through.”
There was a point not too long ago in my life when I got mad at Abba. I used to struggle with alcohol. I used it to numb everything. I’ve watched many loved ones suffer from the abuse of alcohol. I have come a long way and watched love ones heal from it as well. Yet, God continues to send me friends that struggle with alcohol. I got to a point that I was furious. “God, WHY?! Why do you continue to open this wound in my life that I am trying to heal from?! Stop sending me people that I grow to love that have this addiction. Just stop.” But I have learned that it’s a thorn in my side.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I don’t know how many times God’s word says that when we are weak, He is strong, but I’m glad that He keeps reminding me of this. I now realize that I never want the thorn removed. Having the thorn gives me more reason to call out His name. Having the thorn gives Him more glory. Having the thorn is a weakness but My Father is strong. Don’t take away the pain, God, but show me who you are through it. I’ll face the pain WITH you Jesus, because I know that your grace is sufficient, and your power is perfect, especially in my weakness.
